I've had enough of cliché office terms, you know, the ones your boss often uses to sound relevant. I came up with a list of cliché terms that I am tired of hearing and found suitable replacements for them. Feel free to use them in your next business meeting.

• Get Our Ducks in a Row - I realize that ducks are very organized but I believe they fly in a V-pattern.
  Replacement: Put our Turkeys in a Column.

• Give You a Heads Up - "Heads Up" is often shouted before an object is about to fall on your head - does this mean they are going to throw something at you?
  Replacement: Give You a Thumbs Up (just like the Fonze... eeyyy).

• Low Hanging Fruit - I was always told to pick the higher fruit because it's less likely to contain worms or have been eaten by rodents.
  Replacement: The stuff that isn't difficult.

• You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It Too - I'm not sure I want cake unless I can eat it.
  Replacement: You can eat your cake but you can't have milk to wash it down.

• Win-Win Situation - Isn't that a tie?
  Replacement: No-loser's situation.

• No-Win Situation - Isn't that also a tie?
  Replacement: Loser's situation.

• Thinking Outside the Box - Yet you work in a cubicle.
  Replacement: Pondering on top of the Trapezoid.

• Push the Envelope - Did the person that came up with this term think "what would be the strangest in-animate object to push".
  Replacement: Push the day planner.

• Drinking the Kool-Aid - I would be a little leery if someone forced a group of people to drink some Kool-Aid.
  Replacement: Doing the Funky-Chicken.

After reading this article hopefully you are ‘Doing the Funky-Chicken'. Start using these much improved business jargons. ‘Ponder on top of the Trapezoid' and let me know what cliché business terms you would like to replace.